Creativity, Experience, Folly

According to the enneagram system i'm a four; which means i'm supposed to be a creative person... well and good. this fits. i enjoy writing, working on my homepage, etc. sometimes however i really envy the talents other people have. for example, i'd love to be able to draw or paint, create something visual. i'd really love to write music, but i honestly don't think i'd be good enough at composing stuff to do so...

i do hope to make a movie one day. i suppose lots of people want to do that. as Clive James once said; "Not everyone who wants to make a movie is crazy, but everyone who is crazy wants to make a movie." am i crazy? plenty of people have said so in that tone that says 'i'm joking, but i'm not sure i'm joking' :)

so what to make the movie about? all i have to go on is the tone i want to create; the feeling of it. from this i have to develop everything - a good premise, a plot that will last the required length and make sense, the right setting, characters, soundtrack etc etc... yes, i want to be the one who works out the soundtrack... not making the music, obviously, but choosing the other music that gets used.

the weird thing is that to be honest i don't have a movie inside me yet... well, at least, i haven't had one up to now. you don't have the life experience when you're 16, 17... i'm 19 now and only just starting to feel like i can seriously write a movie or novel (a novel/novels is another thing i want to do). sure, i may have had some really strong feelings about life, the universe and everything; but not really enough to say i could write a novel or movie.

i wonder maybe if admitting ignorance is a forshadowing of the wisdom that comes with age... not trying to say i'm wise, just that as i get older i start to see why people say "listen to the advice of your elders". they've been there before, or at least been somewhere simlar. at the tender age of 19 - that makes me feel old sometimes - i have a lot to learn about life. i have a lot of experience, but only a drop in the ocean of all the things that will eventually happen to me.

but i guess a nietzschian view of things is good here... "that which does not kill us, makes us stronger".

funny how we have to find out for ourselves though, isn't it? :) no matter if we've been told not to do something, we still try it. mind you, philosophically speaking there is no reason to believe that what has happened before should happen again. i stumbled across something i wrote earlier this year in a philosophy tutorial... i figure the tut ended or got interesting because it cuts off without finishing; but anyway, here it is :

You can only know what you have perceived as having happened - ie you can only know what you've experienced yourself. Why then stop yourself trying things that other pepole have warned against? We respect the judgement of other people to the point of avoiding personal experiences due to the other person's appraisal of them.

This is the group, or herd, mentality; the source of morality and the iron-fisted rule of conformity.

Despite the fact that the only thing we can be totally sure exists is ourself (or at least, our mind); we allow the group to take over our thinking in terms of :

  • right and wrong
  • morality
  • what is possible and what we can expect.
  • We allow ourselves to be pushed away from our own modes of thinking by weight of numbers; even though we have no knowledge of whether they were pushed as well, or if there was a good reason for that push in the first place. We are hemmed in by the fear of breaking societal taboos and subsequent rejection; some sort of controlled mass hysteria, fear of the unknown.

    At which point it ends.

    not exactly groundbreaking stuff, but it illustrates my point : we rely on the opinion and advice of others a little too blindly. sure, we should listen to those with the benefit of years of experience. but (there's always a but) it should all be taken with a grain of salt. what has been right for one person may not be right for another. what has been true for one person may not be true for another... and so on.

    while this may lead us into great follies, the times when we deviate from the advice from others are just a part of life - maybe it'll work out, maybe it won't. but so long as you're prepared to learn from the experience, what's the problem? still, it's hard to say whether you should have listened to everyone else if you fuck up in the grand manner. but at the end of the day, you've got to try, and you've got to make your own decisions once in a while.

    but that's just my inexperienced little opinion =)



    © heretic 1999