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Jurassic Crap - Stimulus/Response: Rebuttal 01

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From: Viet Ngo
Subject: house of fun comment
Date: Tue, 2 Apr 2002 00:25:13 -0800

Comments on your Jurassic Park comments. Yes, kinda late, considering how old that movie is, but the Internet is a timeless thing.

 

"In a complex that must have cost billions, they still push the cages around by hand and the gate has to be pulled up manually. They use tazers which are patently useless and don't lock the cage in place."

In general, manual operation is more reliable than automatic. You see this in normal, everyday commercial loading docks; they COULD have fancy robotics to load and unload, but it's a waste of money. In short, labor is cheap.

 

"The guy in white is always shitting on about how "everyone on the planet" has the right and opportunity to go and see JP. Sure, they're going to have the money to fly out for the day to a secluded little island off the coast somewhere and go back again in the evening. Right."

Hammond was rebuking Genarro (lawyer) for suggesting charging millions for admission to the park. Hammond is a dreamer and idealist more than he's a businessman.

 

"Where is the logic that says "Let's hire a chaotician and not listen to a fucking word he says."? And what's with letting the future of JP be decided by 4 people hired by the shareholders? Wouldn't the government have something to say about it? Where's the planning consent approvals, the environmental impact studies, in fact hint of red tape at all from the government? Seriously, have you ever tried to build a carport...?"

Why do you think they built it off the coast of Costa Rica? 'cuz Third World governments will let rich corporations do pretty much anything they want. This was covered pretty well in the book the movie's based on.

 

"Scientists smart enough to recreate living dinosaurs from DNA are not smart enough to realise that the amphibian DNA could cause spontaneous mutation from female to male."

Even scientists have a tendency to box in their thinking. The solutions are obvious in retrospect, but not they're not nearly so easy when you're on the spot.

 

"A brilliant scientist has never even heard of Chaos theory, and when the guy tries to explain it she does the blonde bimbo thing. OK so her main role in the movie was to wear shorts and look like she's not coping with anything. Did she walk normally at any point? If memory serves, she just walked around knock-kneed with her raincoat falling off one shoulder. She's your plain old garden-variety blonde bimbo; except of course for every now and then when she becomes ultra-ratbag feminist. "Woman inherits the Earth" for fuck's sake. Watch the other two actors desperately trying to not to break character after that ridiculous line. The look on Sam Niel's face...."

Ellie is a paleobotanist, not a mathmatician. Scientists often are not familiar with material outside their own fairly specialized subjects.

"If the tour cars were electronically controlled, why did they leave the steering wheel (etc) in the car? This is a theme park damnit, they could have fit an extra person in every car. There is no way in hell they'd leave the steering wheel in! While on the subject of the cars, why in the fuck would they let anyone out in them without disabling the windows (especially when going past deadly spitting dinos!)? In fact, why have cars at all? Why not a monorail or something? All a car is going to do is bump up the running costs: tyres, oil, etc. "

Because car companies pay $$$$$ to get their products in the movie. That's why the cars were Ford Explorers despict the fact that the original book specified Toyota Land Cruisers.

 

"The cars are driving around in the same paddock as the Triceratops. No, that's not going to be a problem, I'm sure the Triceratops won't go near the cars."

That was not a tour vehicle, it was one of the staff jeeps.

 

"Let's just stop for a moment and think about the bimbo again... she's a PaeleoBOTANIST. Botanist, BOTANIST, BOTANIST. She's not a VET. But no, she's there trying to work out what's wrong with the "Trike" (wow, she's so *in* with the JP crowd she knows their slang...) and not only that, she's doing a better job than the guy hired to find out what's wrong with it."

She'd be familiar with dinosaurs, since she was working with Grant. In any case, the triceratops had plant poisoning, something she WOULD logically know something about as a paleobotanist. It was covered a lot better in the book, though.

"Then, said computer system grinds to a halt because one of those two guys has a password lock on his terminal. What was the other guy DOING? Playing Tetris? Instead of just hitting reset they have to shut down everything in the whole complex to reboot a computer. The line "I hate this hacker crap!" was pretty good though. "

Nedry didn't just lock out his terminal, he took down the entire security grid with a virus. That's why they had to resort to a cold-core reboot.

 

"They're running a dinosaur park with computers that don't have enough memory to compile a program without crashing vital security measures; like the fences, for example."

Again, Nedry's virus. The "compile program" was an excuse, and a flimsy one at that.

"He's been asked for embryos, so he steals test tubes full of stuff that looks like urine. Not just that, but the cannister fits the tubes perfectly even though he couldn't have possibly seen them before, let alone measured them. Besides that, wouldn't someone MISS 12 embryos?"

Cryogenically frozen embroyos don't look like much. He may have not seen them, but the guys hiring him probably have put quite a bit into corporate espionage, not relying solely on him.

"The fat dude has managed to work at a dinosaur park for however long without learning where the fuck the east dock is (ie the place he goes when he arrives at or leaves the island), or that the little dinos that look like overgrown gremlins are a tad dangerous."

There's two docks. The staff normally use the larger main dock, not the east dock.

"Ms Botanist-cum-Vetinary suddenly gains yet another qualification; that of Pharmacology. Give 'em Morphine, yeah that's in the Paeleobotany course. Next thing you know she'll be giving him a tit job and facelift."

Morphine is a painkiller. It's not hard to figure out what to do with it.

"A child is such a "hacker" that she manages to look at a totally unconvincing GUI and call it "UNIX". She then navigates through the GUI at an agonisingly slow pace and fixes the problem with a couple of clicks of the mouse. Let's chalk up yet another movie that can't make the computers even SLIGHTLY realistic. Would that be so hard? Really?"

That was 3D File Navigator something or other. Crappy GUI, but it IS indeed Unix.

"The Raptors don't notice the T-Rex approaching. In fact, nobody does. Where were the glasses of water that time? Huh, huh?"

I think the T-Rex learned how to tiptoe. :)

 

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#!/hhof/pissfarting/jurassic/rebuttal01

$heretic

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