Beds in the Mist
Sembagori! Manchester! We're on the right track!
Lurking on the edge of their leafy habitat you can see a pair of the now
endangered agitatus squealalotus, or lesser-known sqeaking bed.
In the wild, these amazing creatures all make their final journey to die
in the famed bed's graveyard. Poachers have been seeking the location of this
site, so I cannot reveal any more.
These beds were not so fortunate. Instead of living out their lives and
following their last rite, they were slaughtered and thrown in a pile to rot...
all to support a cruel headboard trade. Poachers were disturbed halfway
through their activities and so did not escape with the boards they had already
cut off.
A well-preserved specimen of the steelskeletous backruinata can be
seen here, easily spotted due to its lack of wooden plumage. Despite this
lack of headboard, poachers appear to occasionally kill this one just for
sport.
The headboard trade continues to ravage these peaceful creatures. Just one
headboard can net a poacher up to $2500 on the black market and ashtrays made
from their legs are prized souvenirs. The authorities continue to fight against
this heartless practise that slaughters so many of these majestic creatures
every year, but they fear they may not control it in time to save these gentle
beings.
THE REAL
STORY
The college finally replaced these beds with inner-spring beds, saving us all
thousands in chiropractors' fees in years to come. These things were more comfortable
if you put a sheet of plywood under the mattress, squeaked like crazy
with ANY movement (like rolling over) and you couldn't fit anything underneath
them. You can't fit anything underneath the new ones either, but damnit, you
CAN get a decent sleep.
They did this just before O-Week, apparently along with just about every other
bit of maintenance they had to do over the christmas break. The problem then
was what to do with over 300 well-used beds? These buggers were tough, think
about it, they'd survived decades of students doing everything students do to
their furniture. The Salvos (or Lifeline) took some, but not even THEY wanted
that many of them. The college flogged a few more off at about $30 a pop, but
in the end there were heaps of these things just sitting around in the gardens.
Now, i'm not going to say there's a pattern surrounding this sort of problem,
but they all ended up dumped outside Martin. So, out of sight, out of mind...
there they stayed for a couple of weeks. When they had time, we got to have
the garbage skip trucks coming and going outside our wing. They're oh so
quiet but you can fit a lot of beds in them. Eeh, well... we had new beds,
we didn't really mind.
The new paint, however... well, that wasn't so cool. I don't like feeling like
a packaged mint. I swear, the entire wing is like some huge Pascall packet!
Bloody hospital mint-green, with light hospital mint-green for contrast???!!!
Fuck me.
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